Real Conversation
by GateSeeker2
Summary: Why is finally having a real conversation about feelings and emotions so hard? Oh yeah, because it’s about Sam and Jack. So, just what will Sam say?


**Title:** "Real Conversation"

**Copyright:** © 2009

**Written:** May 26, 2009

**Author:** "GateSeeker2"

**E-mail:**

**Status:** Complete – only one part (one shot) I think

**Sequel/Series:** N/A

**Summary:** Why is finally having a real conversation about real feelings and real emotions so hard? Oh yeah, because it's about Sam and Jack. So, just what will Sam say?

**Season:** Eight

**Classification:** Missing Scene for "Threads" Episode 18 Season 8

**Spoilers:** Mainly just vague references – "The First Commandment", "Beneath the Surface," "Threads"

**Category:** General/Angst UST

**Central Characters:** Sam Carter, Jack O'Neill, mention of Pete Shanahan and Kerry Johnson

**Pairing:** Sam and Jack

**Rating:** G

**Legend:**

Ellipses (…) - indicates a pausing or a hesitation in a person's speech as well as indicating unfinished sentences.

Words in **bold** **type** indicates words that the character is attempting to emphasize.

**Warnings:** None.

**File Size:** 55 KB as a Microsoft Word Document

**Archive:** .net .

Reproducing or posting on other sites is not permitted.

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.

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"**Real Conversation"**

**Chapter 1: "Just Listen"**

Samantha Carter, Lt. Colonel in the United States Air Force and commanding officer of SG1 with a PhD in Theoretical Astrophysics couldn't believe she was actually bringing herself to initiate this undertaking. She had taken on seemingly insurmountable but calculated tasks during her incredibly lustrous and often dangerous profession, but this was probably the single most challenging, frightening and downright maddening thing she had ever attempted – well, at least in her personal life.

"I need you to listen, Jack," she demanded with a slightly raised voice and an air of forced confidence. "Just listen."

She knew that calling General O'Neill by his first name would initially catch him off guard thereby giving her that second of surprise to assert her cause before he would have time to react. Besides, this was a conversation long in the making and it needed to occur between Sam and Jack, not the Brigadier General and the Lieutenant Colonel.

Knowing the minute that she stepped through the front door, Sam was not planning to back down because of military protocol or cower to her own insecurities this time. Sam had things that needed to be said and she was not going to be prevented or interrupted.

She quickly raised her right hand in a gesture that would halt any words that could be uttered from the General.

"No," she shook her head assertively, "not this time Jack." Her hand lowered slowly and she knew her eyes looked determined if not somewhat pleading.

"I intend to say **everything** that's on my mind," she slowly took in a short breath before uttering the next words somewhat more quietly, "and heart."

But suddenly, it was as if something in Sam exploded. A naquadah reactor must have just gone off in her head because she quickly followed up with a powerful, "And you **are** going to listen! That's right, **listen**! I talk. You listen."

Her eyes became fixed on the set of eyes across from her and she began her plight with amazing intensity. "You're not going to say, 'I know,' **this** time. And you're **not** going to ignore or pretend that what is between us doesn't exist. I'm going to talk and finally get everything out…whatever it is…in the open before you try to stop me. No more leaving it in any room."

She paused ever so briefly thinking that Jack might try to say something here, but she knew that her eyes were pleading for her to be allowed to continue. "I don't care if rules and regulations still exist. I am **finally** to the point where I'm not going to be scared to face up to what I want or let rules and regulations dictate how I'm supposed to feel…**or** **act**…," she exhaled imperceptibly, "…towards you."

Sam broke her gaze, closed her eyes, bowed her head, and rubbed her right hand fingertips and thumb over her forehead then she let out a sigh of inevitable resolve. She was tired of living in limbo and uncertainty. It was now or never - one way or the other. Besides, this was why she wanted to talk to him. She had tried before, but she was always was deterred or interrupted.

She straightened her shoulders, looked up, focused her gaze on two uncertain eyes and jumped in with both feet, "I'm in love with you Jack."

It was funny how matter of fact it sounded to her. Yes, there was heartfelt emotion in her voice, but it was more factual as if she just quoted the speed of light in one of her mathematical calculations. Her love for him was a fact. It was something that perhaps she, and he, had subconsciously known for years but finally verbalizing it seemed almost redundant and unnecessary some how now.

Standing fixed in place, she let the words wash over her. She had done the right thing, hadn't she? This was what she wanted to say. Well, it was the main thing. There was still so much she wanted to say, but where did she go from here?

As if realizing there was nothing but a deafening silence engulfing her, she let loose a short subdued but almost maniacal laugh as the eyes facing her became huge with apprehension. Reality just hit her. She had said that she was in love with her commanding officer. So many years of strict adherence to sworn vows and resolute repression were suddenly thrown out the window. In a way it was freeing. She had never before said that phrase out loud. This was never how she expected to utter her declaration of love to him. But, she knew that right then and there it was always about how she felt and how she had longed to let Jack know. Regardless of his reaction, this was what she needed to do, for her. Oh, she should have done it long ago.

She continued to laugh, why did she ever try to pursue a life with Pete? What had she been so afraid of with Jack? Why had she clung so tightly to rules and regulations? Was her career truly more important to her, above all else, that she threw away a chance with Jack? Why couldn't her dad have told her to 'not let rules stand in her way' years earlier?

As if her internal questioning had sobered her, she stopped laughing. She shifted her weight slightly, took a deep breath, and dove in again. "That's right," she said firmly, "I'm in love with you Jack." As she watched two eyes beginning to slightly glisten she continued, "I have been for a long time now…for years actually."

She knew she had to quickly sum up her reasons for dating Pete so that he might understand. "I tried to ignore what I felt for you. For once, I tried to 'get a life' that you always insisted was outside of that mountain. I finally admitted to myself that I **wanted** to have **someone** to love and love me back. Because it seemed as if it was **never** going to be you."

She swallowed hard. "I was lonely. I knew that I was taking a chance – turning my back on what I felt for you. Trying to forget how much I cared for you, wanted **you**. But, at least I took one. And," she dropped eye contact and sounded regretful, "I **was** happy…for awhile…with Pete."

Looking everywhere but at two condemning pair of eyes, she began to justify her previous relationship, for him as much as herself, as if that would ease that nagging feeling of guilt that was ever present during all those months of dating Pete. "Yes, it was weird and hard and frustrating at times with him, mainly because I couldn't ever truly forget about you…oh yah…and because I'm horrible with relationships." She chuckled slightly to herself, "Relationships. What relationships? Last true romantic relationship I had was with Jonas. And that was a mess." Hastily for clarification that wasn't necessary she added, "Hanson not Quinn."

"Urghhh…," she growled softly in frustration over her ramblings. Shaking her head and scrunching up her nose she mumbled to herself, "That was a stupid thing to say." And then without realizing it, she began minutely pacing and getting lost in her thoughts.

"I was tired of waiting…waiting for…something…anything…that might not ever even happen…between…us."

Turning slowly she paced the other way. "Besides, **we** have **never** even discussed what…," she made quotation marks in the air with her fingers, "…'**feelings**' we have for one another." She exaggerated, "Oh surrrrrre…we've admitted to having 'feelings'…," she gestured again, "feeling feelings and having feelings and denying feelings…but exactly what the other was feeling…or what 'feelings' actually meant…well…." Ok, she was digressing. "I mean…Jonah and Thera talked more about 'feelings' than we ever have."

Her pacing was becoming more frantic and her words more fumbled. "I mean there are of course feelings of respect, and friendship, and admiration, and definitely physical attraction!" She didn't just confess her physical attraction for him, did she? "I mean you're very attractive. You're probably the most sexy man I've ever…I mean you're so handsome…ah…you are…umm…." She closed her eyes in embarrassment as she slumped. Mumbling, "I'm such an idiot." She pressed her palms against her eyes.

"This is crazy," she sighed wondering to herself why this was so hard.

She took a couple of quick breaths to refocus her mind. Sam knew that she was getting way off target with her ramblings and if that happened, Jack would surely start adding his own comments. She couldn't allow that to happen – not until she had plainly stated her case. So, she straightened up, ignored her flushed face, and turned to find two eyes watching her. "I'm in love with you," she began again. "I want a chance to be with you…to have a life…outside of our stupid command structure…with you." She wasn't going to let herself cry, but she was feeling perturbed and overwhelmed and saddened thinking that it all was left unspoken too long. "I want to be more than just your subordinate…your soldier…your scientist…your go to girl to save the day."

She slowly closed her eyes and took a few slow breaths this time. "Isn't there a way for this to work?" Then her eyes flashed open. "Unless of course, you don't want this…don't want me."

Sam glanced away and her shoulders sagged. Of course, he didn't want this. He had moved on. He was with Kerry Johnson now. She felt like so stupid. Why would he want her now, after all these years? Even if he did want this, would he call things off with Kerry? Kerry was cute, and perky, and spunky, and funny, and vivacious, and...and…and…probably everything that Sam wasn't. She shook her head wondering just how deeply involved their relationship was and hating herself for being so jealous of her. No, she didn't think it was likely that Jack would dump Kerry for her just because she's finally decide to admit her feelings. Besides she thought, he probably still thinks I'm engaged to Pete.

"Oh my gosh! Pete! I just broke things off with Pete!" Now, that was a startled admission. Why didn't she start this entire life-altering conservation with that little tidbit of news? There was no way for Jack to know that she was no longer engaged. She only called things off with him about thirty minutes ago. More calmly she added while thumbing over her shoulder, "I just came from the house. I gave him back his ring. I told him that I wasn't able to marry him…because…," she didn't know what else to say, "…because I wasn't in love with him…not like I should be."

Wow, this was just a huge waste of time and effort. It was all wrong and so not going how she wanted. She was tongue-tied and really too unsure of how it should go. She knew Pete wasn't the man she wanted and although that conversation had been difficult, getting the man she did want was proving more challenging and awkward.

"This was a dumb idea." She shook her head, grabbed her keys and purse off her entry way table and proceeded to exit her front door. The last thing she sarcastically said to herself as she locked her door was, "Why did I think practicing in the mirror was going to help?"

Maybe by the time she'd actually driven over to General O'Neill's house and was able to speak person to person for a real conversation, she'd have a better idea of what she wanted to say. After all, the "Queen of Simulations" couldn't create a computer program to calculate her way through this – not this time. But he was going to listen to her of that she'd make sure.

**Author's Notes:** So, what did you think? It seems as if lately everyone is doing a "Threads" piece, so I remembered this one that I started years ago…dusted it off…polished it up …finished it…and posted it for your enjoyment (hopefully). I've thought that there was definitely something missing in that episode and it nagged me about what and how Sam would finally get her say so that Jack would know what she now truly wants in life. Of course, she seems to always want to run simulations before she ever tries anything, so naturally I thought that she would attempt a practice run first over what she wanted to say to Jack…especially since she kept getting cut off all of those other times that she tried. Well, leave a review please – it would be much appreciated. Liked it or not – I always like to know if anyone is reading my stuff and what they think about it. I feel like my writing's a bit rusty…so be kind…truthful…but kind.

**Other Stories:** If you like this story, check out my others posted to this website: "Worth It," "I Love My Life," "Biggest Decision," "Waiting for the Dawn," "Forever Changed," "Just Another Guest," "Why Him?," "I Had a Great Life," and "Wedding Cake." Let me know what you think. Thanks, and enjoy!

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